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List: Things That Only Tom Hardy Can Make Sexy

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List: Things That Only Tom Hardy Can Make Sexy List: Things That Only Tom Hardy Can Make Sexy

List: Things That Only Tom Hardy Can Make Sexy





Have you been watching Taboo on BBC1" Oh my lord. It’s very good – very good. It’s sort of a cross between an incredibly dark and violent Dickens story and something bleak and hopeless and beautiful, like, I don’t know, The Piano. The art direction is amazing, the plot is weird-but-interesting, the costumes and the sets completely capture everything that London in the year 1814 would have been. Stinking, dangerous, dimly-lit…
And then there’s Tom Hardy. Now look. I do happen to think – and I say this without any hint of irony – that Hardy is one of the best, most immensely talented actors of our time. I’d like to point that out first, because the following list reduces him to something of a nightshirt-wearing tattooed Sex God. All tongue-in-cheek, of course, but I’d hate for anyone to think that I’d ignored his actual skills…

In Taboo, Hardy plays the disturbed James Delaney who returns from a long spell in Africa to inherit his father’s shipping empire. Now this man, Delaney, is everything unsexy that you could possibly think of. He’s always covered in horse poo or blood or weird magical powders – he looks dirty, I mean really dirty, and he has previously had many sessions of sexytime with his own sister. So, y’know, by all rights this is not a character we should be even remotely attracted to. But then it’s Tom Hardy, and Tom Hardy was even sexy as Bane, the psychopathic masked baddie in Batman, so why is it even a surprise that he can make ingrained dirt and nineteenth-century sewer smells into a bonus attribute" Here’s my list of things that only Tom Hardy can make sexy – I’m limiting this to things in Taboo, otherwise we’d be here all bloody year…
Mumbling: I swear I can only hear three out of every ten words that James Delaney says, but who the hell cares" Hardy could read out the Argos catalogue and it’d still be hot.
Killing: shouldn’t be sexy, especially when it involves hacking through a ribcage to retrieve a heart, and especially when it takes place at the “outdoor lavatories” (imagine the smell!), but he has such a fabulous look on his face when he’s concentrating. And I reckon, in a parallel universe, he’d be great at preparing sushi – his knife skills are quite exemplary.
Smelling: I mean. The man is either covered in horse manure, stinking mud or other people’s blood, and he wades into rivers fully-clothed. Then dries himself in those same clothes. (Why would you not just take them off" She says. Salivating.) He must absolutely reek, but still: sexy. When his housekeeper pulls off his boots, you can almost see the steam rising out of them – who cares" HE’S TWO ITEMS CLOSER TO NAKED.

Nightshirts: no man can look good in a nightshirt. Hardy looks excellent – and I mean excellent – in a nightshirt. (Sorry...
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Source of news: A model recommends
Source of publication: 15-03-2017 20:15
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