Long time no post, dear readers! I'm hesitating to write this update; however, I've always been striving to share with you exactly what's on my mind, in the hopes it may be at least a little useful for someone. This is probably the most difficult thing I've ever written, but also maybe the most necessary. So, here goes - if you're interested in just my beauty reviews, this post is not it - so check back soon for regular service.
Life's been a bit difficult for me these past few months. I know you guys are probably thinking 'Duuh! You've just had a baby!', but I'm not really talking difficult as in 'have no time for anything - feeling tired' kinda way. Before Julian was born, I'd been expecting that and I *think* I'd been mentally prepared, but what I hadn't been prepared for was feeling utterly lost and not like myself. Call it what you will - mood swings, baby blues (I'd hesitate to call it postpartum depression since I don't think it got as severe as to be diagnosed as such), existential crisis - the point is, I've been really struggling lately.
There were days and now thankfully just episodes during the day when I feel unexplicably sad, and worried about the baby, and somehow empty inside, like a hollow husk of a person I used to be. I can't wait until the day is finally over because it seems like such an ordeal to get through, and I'm so frustrated and angry at myself for even thinking it. At the same time, I dread the night time, because if he - and I - keep waking up again and again and again, I know that the next day is going to be even harder. You know how other mothers say - "Oh my gosh, time flies, they grow up too quickly!", and here I am, thinking "No, not at all, the days drag on without end, I can't wait for this to be over - but will it ever be over" Will I ever feel normal again"'.
Before you all write it in the comments, I AM incredibly grateful to have Julian in my life - a beautiful, happy, healthy baby - but at the s...